I joined a gym recently.
I joined a gym to have another sanctuary. I joined for the yoga, the spinning, the treadmills. I joined for the steam room.
But along with all of those things that I love comes an unsolicited gym mindset: a mindset of numbers, and max reps, and what the scale says.
With my new shiny membership, I was given two free personal training sessions. I had the first one this past week. The trainer, who was friendly and sweet, took some measurements. My hips. My waist. Weight. Body fat percentage.
And then she proceeded to tell me.
She told me how in just a few weeks I can lower my body fat by two percent. Just a few weeks, that’s all it would take to fix me!
And with those words and that measuring tape, it all came rushing back.
There was a time in my life where I lived and died by numbers. By how many squats I could do in a minute. By how fast I could row a 2k. By how much I could bench press.
But these numbers are not why I joined a gym.
I do not need fixing.
I am whole.
And I’ll tell you what…it took me too long to believe those words. It took too many tears and hugs and leaps of faith for me to forget them now.
Yet somedays I do forget. I let images and the scale determine my self worth.
Those are hard days.
Everyday, we get to choose what we believe. Everyday we get to decide if we’ll listen to our inner critic, the voice that says that we are not enough, that we are broken, that we need fixing.
We can listen to a voice of compassion. We can listen to the voice that says, “There you are! I’ve been waiting for you. I’ve been waiting to tell you how whole and wonderful you are, how whole and wonderful you’ve always been.”
The choice is ours.
But today, I choose to believe that I don’t need fixing. I choose to believe that I am enough.